My mind wanders as my body obeys its daily goals. 110 laps of the 25 metre pool. I can do it, I can do anything. I must push myself harder. Dreams of my bike becomes my vision, the only thing that can set me free when my life is such a mess.
The sponsors gave me a new protein shake yesterday but I know I need to start eating more. I hit 30 laps of the Bullcreek BMX Track this morning. It was a lame effort until the iPhone was put on notice. Beats of energy that can replace meals any day, hit me from head to toe and I suddenly fly down the second straight in three feet of air. I dream of metre high jumps, my heart and focus in the right place. I’ve dedicated my life to this, I can envision myself doing flips and massive air. I never give up, I want it too bad.
Lap 110. I swim the final lap using every ounce of energy remaining. My heart pounds the blood with fatigue but like everything, giving up is no option. My mum and friends are wrong. I must push myself to my limits every time or I’ll become weak and unable to achieve anything.
I hit up Kings Park for a 2 hour walk. The day’s not yet finished. I give Jacob’s Ladder a miss for today. I pushed myself close to collapse yesterday but I need to push on to keep going or I will never become the strong person I so desperately desire to be. I will always beat those painful memories that will forever attempt to surface.
My last for the day, the reason I live. A city ride with a fast paced agenda. The adrenaline pumps over the pangs of hunger but I finally surrender to a cheap McDonalds meal, made from more chemicals than protein and carbs. I get back on my bike, pedalling with fury, an imaginary race that becomes my life. My jumps are high and every pedal is my 110%. I cannot contain the energy that comes out of nowhere.
Then I stop, disappointed my need for sleep almost drowns me. My obsession for physical exercise and fitness keeps me going through this troubled life of mine. Excitement flutters through my body like a hundred butterflies, in hope I can continue another day of this rigorous regime fuelled with minimal food.